been home...

for about 5 hours. ate some dinner with the family. and hung out with my brothers. good times. havent laughed that hard in a very long time.
vacation was good. hung around yosemite national park for a few days. usually we go for like 6 days but we cut it short. so i will be in orange county now for an additional 2 days.
hoping to get to the beach. work on my tan. see my bff lauren (lulu) and help her finish moving into her new place with her steve.
chachi wants to take a family portrait on saturday. im down. just make sure you get my good side.
zacharys got a soccer game on saturday afternoon. my thinking is its probably going to be one of the funniest things ever. watch my little baby (who is 4) play soccer for like the 2nd time in his life. good times.

been thinking about life. and what i am hoping for next.
great things. i hope. i have always been somewhat of an optimist, but the recent occurences in my life have made me more of a pessimist. stop living with such cynicism.
i'd like to have my optimism back now.
if you know where ive placed it or where i can find some more, please let me know.

so in the next couple of days my hope is to figure out exactly what i want. and to be made aware of other's decisions. i dont know what exactly is going on but i hope (i have been using that word a lot) it has been being thought about.

alright seeing as how this is the lastest ive been up in the last week i think i am going to go to bed. i'm sleepy.
loves

in the last 36 hours

i have flown across the country.

eaten carl's jr.

layed out by the pool.

eaten in-n-out.

met up with an old friend for a drink.

which turned into meeting up with another old friend.

which turned into numerous cocktails consumed. (sidenote who told me it was a good idea to
drink jameson----insert pictures taken in the backseat of a car here)

got driven home by my friends little sister who happens to be like 24 now. wtf?!

hung out with all 3 of my brothers while heavily intoxicated.

made an ass out of myself in front of my dad. teves.

passed out.

woke up drunk while my mom was watering the backyard at 8:30am.

drove to palm springs to pick up my grandma. (she rules!!)

drove back.

went swimming with 2 of the raddest kids you will ever meet.

took them to kung foo panda.

went to mecca--TARGET!!!!

and now i am writing this.

tomorrow morning i will be getting up fairly early to sit in the very back seat of a very full car to go to yosemite. wait why did i do this to myself? oh yeah i heart mi familia.

coming home on thursday to good ole f-town.

then going to bk (holla) on the 30th.

cya

i have....

been going over the past few months in my head and wondering where things really went wrong. i know there was a lot of stuff not said that should have been made known but i cannot go back and change it.
been wondering why things seem to always end up this way. i know there is still feeling there but its being masked by hurt and pain. i know because i am feeling it too. if i could go back and change my decisions i would. but i cannot go back and change it.
no matter what has happened in the recent past it has to be understood that no matter what is wanted the past cannot be changed. the future must be something that is looked upon with hope.
a decision has to be made. whether or not to move into that future hand in hand. heart to heart. soul intertwined with soul.
i have given everything i can. and it has been overlooked.
so look. grab my hand. accept my heart.

so its been

exactly 4 weeks since we have spoken.

and i am not really sure why had to be this way.

some answers would be nice.

i know i have asked all the questions.

but i can no longer dwell.

you have moved on. you have found it in your head and your heart to be able to push past. ignore what we had.

so i will do the same.